Guy at the train station has been spitting his chew straight out onto the platform. On one attempt, a solid gust of wind caught it just right and splattered it back on his face/neck/shirt.
This morning’s train story comes with pictures.
1. For those who may have doubted my story about the guy doing chin-ups on a tree, here he is in action.
2. There are tanks today. Not fish tanks, or dunk tanks. Military tanks. Lined up on a cargo train. There are probably about 50 in all. Fill in your own conclusions, I guess. I’m not even sure what to do with it.
Guy at the train station is approaching people to buy “icy cold” Pepsi products out of a cooler for $1. It’s below 40 degrees.
Kudos to the guy for working to make that extra buck, but I think that he needs a different marketing approach for his merchandise.
A particularly disheveled looking guy on the train started frantically asking strangers if they knew where the bank was, exclaiming “I COULD HAVE A WHOLE POCKET FULL’A MONEY IF I KNEW WHERE THE BANK WAS!” Someone told him that there was a Wells Fargo at the next stop, and he ran off of the train yelling, “SWEET BABY JESUS!”
Sudden windfall? Or bank robbery in progress? We may never know.
A guy waiting in line for the train just suddenly got out of line, walked over to a tree, climbed it, and started doing chin ups. Everyone watched. A guy in his 30’s with glasses and a Pokémon hat nodded his head in approval. A college-aged girl mockingly fanned herself. And an older man just looked confused by the whole situation. Without a word, the guy hung from the tree until the train came.
All but two people on my train are reading real books right now. Ironically, I’m one of the two (listening to an audiobook instead). Bibliophiles, rejoice!
For the past few days, a guy on the train has been carefully studying a book called “Coaching Volleyball for Dummies.” He has been giving considerable attention to Chapter 5: Revving Up the Offense.
I hope that the other coaches in his league are ready for all of the fury that his team is about to unleash.
No train stories today because I’m flying to Ohio. But my layover in Chicago has filled the void with plenty of interesting characters.
This guy makes for an even better Abe than I do.
This college student wearing aviators on the train was staring straight at me the entire ride home. I tried to ignore it, until it just got too weird. I finally decided to address it head-on, and asked (in a way that was more forceful than intended), “can I help you with something?”
It turns out she was asleep. I eventually woke her up at the last stop.
Spotted a super cute girl on my commute home, and decided to take the seat next to her. We hit it off right away, and talked the whole ride back to the station. She even drove me to my car in the back of the overflow lot and dropped me off. So smitten.
Train update 1: guy outside of the station selling “eclipse” glasses for $50 each. They look handmade.
Train update 2: guy riding with a huge USPS box, with the ends wrapped in a concoction of aluminum foil, duct tape, and what appears to be a piece of black trash bag.
Train update 3: The sun was in my eyes until this guy sat in the seat across the aisle and blocked it. He was only there for a couple of minutes though.
No, I’m not kidding.
This guy on the train is wearing what appears to be a pleated skirt with cargo pockets. Breezy, functional, and stylish, all at the same time. Brilliant.
My train is full of St. Louis Cards fans. Gross.
Fun fact: A quick visual survey reveals that iPhone dominates Android by a margin of about 10 to 1 among Denver’s train-goers.
Now you know.
The train doors open to reveal a man with a 12″ knife in a sheath on his belt.
Apparently concealed carry is for wusses.
Today’s train story is a multiple choice quiz.
A man loads his bike onto the train. The bike’s water bottle holder has which of the following?
- Water bottle
- Can of Pabst Blue Ribbon
- A spare pair of underwear
- B & C only
(And the correct answer is…
B. But only because the spare underwear was attached to his backpack rather than his water bottle holder. And for the record, he managed to attach them with a rubber band.)
Overheard between two women in their early 60’s(?) on the train:
“You’re losing your appetite? Maybe you need more activity. I play rugby on the weekends, and I eat all of the leftovers in our house… especially the chicken. I always eat the chicken.”
My thoughts after getting off of the train, in this exact order:
- I’m so impressed right now.
Apparently rugby gives you chicken cravings?
Random guy gets on the train and hollers at the top of his lungs, “HOW MANY OF YA’LL ARE THERE?!?! ONE… TWO… THREE… FOUR…” and proceeds to count all 114 of us aloud. Random guy gets off the train.
Just another day, folks. #lightrail
Conversation between a little girl and her mom while walking their puppy past the train station:
Girl: I trained Mickey (the dog) to eat macaroni.
Girl: I trained him to eat macaroni.
Mom: what do you mean?
Girl: I trained him so that when I give him macaroni, he eats it… you seem to have trouble understanding this, and I’m not sure why.
Stood next to a couple on the train that dwarfed everyone. The man was about 7 feet tall, and the woman was about an inch or two shorter than me (putting her at 6’5” or 6’6”). I recruited their future kids to join mine to form an unstoppable volleyball team in 20 years or so. #lightrail.
It’s 4 degrees out. A guy on my train shows up every morning in his University of Michigan hoodie and shorts to send a clear message to the world: he’s from Michigan, and he can handle the cold.
As a kid from the snow belt of Ohio, I appreciate you showing Colorado how tough Midwesterners are, sir. Now put some pants on. 4 degrees is still cold.
I just sat next to a woman on the train in her late sixties (maybe early seventies?) playing Clash of Clans on her phone. I jokingly asked her if she was the one who pilfered my village last night. Her response? “Probably. I annihilate just about everybody. If you want to keep your gold, then step up your game.” 😳 #lightrail #GrannyGotGame
College girl just boarded the train double-fisting her Starbucks: one venti pumpkin spice latte, and one venti iced coffee. Because, why not?
Guy just boarded the train with a 32 ounce cup of soda with no lid, and sat down next to a woman in white pants. Stay tuned for updates. #lightrail
This outdoor outlet looks like a solid place to charge your iPhone while you wait for the train. Good idea, RTD. #lightrail
According to the woman ranting on the train, “James is not a leader. He’s such a follower that he would follow his own butt to the toilet.”
Sometimes I wonder if anyone is writing a Facebook status about me on the train. #lightrail
Dear guy sitting next to me on the train,
Please save your porn videos for home.
A woman on the train just called four different people to tell them that Alfredo called her, and he claimed that they were out of bread. She skeptically explained to all four that “there’s no way, unless he sold eight foot-longs on wheat, and ten on honey oat in the last two hours.” A man sitting nearby then offered his expertise as a frequent Subway customer, arguing that her proposed scenario was “totally possible.” They were still arguing when I got off. #lightrail #SubwayFamine2016
A man boarded the train wearing Mickey Mouse ears, which he spray painted silver. Then he whipped out a book titled “The Geography of Genius.” My morning commute is better than yours. #lightrail #geniusindeed
A college kid boarded the train, sat down across from me, then got up and moved across the aisle to sit directly across from a college aged girl. Do I smell? Or is a courtship brewing? Stay tuned to find out.
I see two particular people on the train almost every morning. One is a guy in his 40s who works in a t-shirt printing shop, and is still trying to make it as a metal rock star. The other is a woman in her 70s. I was within earshot about four months ago when they were sitting across from each other, and she politely started to make small talk for the first time. Now, he corners her every day and talks about his band and the nuanced process of t-shirt printing, and she’s just stuck politely nodding her head. I love the train.
I just saw a guy on the train throwing down some mad tricks with a yomega yoyo. The 90’s are officially back, and it feels so good.
Man 1: “See that place right there? That’s a great place for a car wash.”
Man 2: “Oh! Is it one of them ones that you drive through? Or one where ya wash it yourself?”
Man 1: “Don’t know… Never been there.”
Convos on the train are the best.
I just spent my entire commute sitting next to a man who was studying Klingon vocabulary words on homemade flash cards. Taking the train is the best.
(So at first I was intrigued enough that I almost asked him what language he was studying. Then I saw his ziplock Baggie labeled “Klingon flash cards” and decided that wasn’t a conversation that I wanted to start. I geek out about a lot of things, but Star Trek is not really my thing.)
Overheard on the train ride home: “Yo, these new windows are the best windows I eva’ seen… Like seriously, they energy efficiency be blowin’ my mind, dawg!”
I can only hope that my new living room window turns out to be half that exciting.